… you are Miley Cyrus hosting the VMAs.
*pause for dramatic effect*
Where do I even begin… besides saying what the actual fuck.
I was watching the VMA’s the other night and as I was watching I could literally feel my brain cells deteriorating and dying off slowly, one by one. Miley was “hosting” the highly inappropriate and actually disturbing awards show. Whatever qualifications she possesses that deem her host-worthy, even if just for the VMAs, are beyond my comprehension. Like seriously… whoever’s idea it was over at MTV to have her as the host deserves to be fired immediately and shunned from the rest of humanity. Her hosting career fails greater than Lindsay Lohan’s entire life. Her attempts (yes, multiple, unfortunate attempts) at making jokes were just awkward and always had bad timing. Aside from the extremely difficult task of reading from a teleprompter, all she did was make it very clear that she participates in the recreational activity of smoking marijuana. Like okay Miley, we get it, you smoke weed… along with the other millions of people who also enjoy lighting one up. She had about 10,000 different “outfit” changes. And I use the word “outfit” loosely, in that she wasn’t wearing any actual clothes, but what looked like the craft aisle at Michael’s threw up and spewed it’s insides all over the young “singer”. I feel bad for the production crew who had to assist her into each and every one of those hideous costumes, and I’m pretty getting dressed will never be the same experience for them ever again. Even more nauseating and visually repulsive than her “outfits” was her performance at the end. I. Just. Do. Not. Understand. Quite frankly, I was confused… disturbed… and reevaluating my membership to this society. As for her music, lets just say I find the noise heard in this link more appealing. Her dancers looked like creatures you’d see during the worst trip of your life, that cause you to attend to therapy for the next 10 years. There is no actual level of being fucked up, that will allow you to understand what the hell was going on up there on that stage. The whole thing was just a sad ass excuse for a performance. Miley…. on behalf of everyone who is actually still in the right mind, we ask you to please take a seat from everything ever again for the rest of your life.
I Probably Hate You If 